?Getting? vs ?Being? in Relationships | Couple Checkup Blog

For those who work with dating and engaged couples, it may be hard to fathom that any of these blissfully happy couples will eventually divorce and/or become discontented in their relationship.? If you ARE a dating or engaged couple, you may believe that nothing could cause you to question your relationship with your beloved. Yet 40-50% of marriages still end in divorce and, of the marriages that endure, many partners report discontent and unhappiness.? How can such hopeful beginnings go awry???

One factor may be that there is an unbalanced effort into the development stage of a relationship compared to the maintenance of a relationship.? A wedding is a perfect example of the ?getting? vs. ?being? contrast.? How much effort do couples put into getting married, compared to being married?? To the extent that culture reflects (and some would argue, creates) reality, think about the products and services designed around getting married, in contrast to the products and services designed around maintaining marriage.? Couples and their families spend, on average, $20,000 on a wedding and receive an average of 200 wedding gifts, with an average value of $70-100.??

Money is just one expression of value.? Another is time. If you have ever started a relationship, you know that the process of getting connected with someone requires time and effort.? If you have planned a wedding, you know they take a good amount of time and preparation.? Do you invest the same amount and quality of time listening to, learning about, and thinking about your partner as you did when you were getting to know him or her?? If you are in a long-term relationship, is it easy to falsely assume that you know your partner?s feelings and ideas about the many issues in your lives?? What behaviors and attitudes did your relationship benefit from during the ?getting?/developing stages that you can bring into the ?being? stages of your relationship?

Source: http://www.couplecheckupblog.com/2012/09/getting-vs-being-in-relationships/

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